Tuesday, May 28, 2013

...and then Man f%#ks it up and makes religion out of it.

Paraphrasing Kevin Smith via Chris Rock (I think I can go to hell for that.), this still strikes me as the truth of the matter. The worship of God is fine, but creating doctrines and rituals and saying someone else's doctrines and rituals are wrong is what has driven us to stupidity.
Much to my wife's chagrin, I still don't know quite where I fall on the spiritual litmus test. I'm willing to admit that there is something or someone that created and governs the universe, but the insanity that religions bring into the equation troubles me to no end. Here are some religious "truths" and then the facts. Decide for yourself.

The Bible is the Word of God.
Bullshit. The Bible was rewritten by a group of monks and advisers under the direction of – wait for it – King James (So THAT'S where the name came from!). These were translated from earlier editions of the bible and (This is the important part.) sections of it were partially or wholly rewritten to fit the beliefs of the Church of England, King James' own little start-up. This is part of the reason that sections of the Bible contradict each other (Thou shalt not kill ... unless your wife isn't a virgin when you get married, then the Bible says you can slice that wench up.).
If that doesn't fit your thinking, here's my challenge to you. Go to Israel and count the number of Johns, Lukes, Matthews and Pauls you can find. Go ahead. I'll wait.

A true Christian is God-fearing.
If you fear your God, then you've got more issues in your religion than Doane's has pills (Or maybe the problem is you. You figure it out. Go ahead. I'll wait.).
I try to lead a good life; I help others when I can and I try not to harm anyone in my day-to-day. I don't do it because I'm afraid of what will happen if I don't. I do it out of respect and my idea of what's right. If you're helping your fellow man because it will buy you a seat in Heaven, then you're not worshiping; you're brown-nosing.
One of my favorite movies teaches "It's not who you are, but what you do that defines you." I disagree. I believe it's who you are and what inspires the things that you do that defines you.  If you do good works out of selfish reasons, then how good is it? To be perfectly honest, I hate doing volunteer work, but I still do it. Not because I expect some deity to reward me, but because it needs to be done.

The only true religion is (my religion).
This is only true if the following is true: The only good race is (my race). The only definition of marriage is (my definition). The only decent music is (the stuff I listen to). The true definition of assclown is (anyone who believes any of those three preceding sentences).

Do not misunderstand me; I am not against religion in and of itself. I AM against anything that dictates that someone is evil because they don't worship like I do, sleep with the proper sex, eat the same food (or not eat the same food) or find the whole concept of my life offensive. If you want to marry a cow, go ahead as long as you know you've got its consent. Eat dog? No problem, I may even try a slice of doberman myself just to see what it tastes like. Demean your wife and girl-child? HELL NO!! If your religion condones the degradation of someone else because of what they received in the gene pool lottery, then some evil bastard is lurking in your religion's past.

A few years ago, the catchphrase was "What Would Jesus Do?" My answer was always "Why would that matter?" You do what's right because it's right; not because you're forcing yourself to follow a doctrine someone else wrote for you.

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